ready for a calm down.

SO my last blog was pretty hater.

I still feel the same way but I want to apologize for completely getting down on Rob. I love him. I will always love him. He makes me happy.

I just got so frustrated with my stagnancy (is that a word?)


So Rob started a new job, which he and I both love working in a coffee shop as well as working at Zackies. I love it. He is so excited about being financially stable and confortable so maybe now we can start saving for that wedding.

I still think Im moving out but I at least know it will be done on good terms not on bad. I think with any person you date you have to know how to get through to them instead of making it seem like your attacking them and that is exactly what I did and I couldnt be happier with the result.

In other news. I have 2 co-write this week, A meeting with Denny Carr next week, hopefully getting a few shows booked, an upcoming show with Billy Block and a buttload of MySpace stuff to catch up on. Ill do it....along with working over 40 hours this week...it will get done.

Lord....really help me. Haha.




ohh that makes me happy

obviously Im headed somewhere.....

I look at this post and dread the pain my wrists will feel when Im done with it.

So I chatted with Rachel last night about this.. I feel as though I always chat with her first it helps me to validate that I am in fact not psycho, I am also not stupid and I can in fact make grown-up decisions.

Im moving out.


I know what your thinking. Are Rob and her breaking up? No, we are not breaking up, but I have realized that I have made too many decisions for the guys in my life which ended up hurting me in the long run.

I am moving out because, I want to be 21. I want to go home and be bored. I want my boyfriend to call and say that he wants to take me out for dinner. I want to have my room the same way it was when I left it. I want to have friends over and not be smooshed into 485 sq. ft.

But mostly... I want Rob to grow up

Im tired of paying 2/3rds of the bills. Im tired of worrying about my car falling apart when I couldve easily saved for another one...or better yet, used Rob's if it broke down (which he has $4000 sitting in the bank for) I want him to get a job to pay for his bills. I want him to be a man, not a boy.

I want my step-dad to be proud of me.

All in all I feel as though 3 years of my life have been wasted and that makes me want to scream. Why do I look to boys to validate me? Why do I constantly feel like I wont get better? Or that I dont deserve better? I have no reason to feel that way....no abusive parents, no terrible background, nothing like that.

Yet I still feel this need.

Rob will grow up, but not if I enable him. I want it to work, I love him more than I could ever explain and hopefully this will force it to.

So what I think is happening is that I will be moving in with Rachel.... so I will officially be 21 and stable and independant.

Lord help me.

P.S. Please add me on "tumblr"....its my new favorite thing.