obviously Im headed somewhere.....

I look at this post and dread the pain my wrists will feel when Im done with it.

So I chatted with Rachel last night about this.. I feel as though I always chat with her first it helps me to validate that I am in fact not psycho, I am also not stupid and I can in fact make grown-up decisions.

Im moving out.


I know what your thinking. Are Rob and her breaking up? No, we are not breaking up, but I have realized that I have made too many decisions for the guys in my life which ended up hurting me in the long run.

I am moving out because, I want to be 21. I want to go home and be bored. I want my boyfriend to call and say that he wants to take me out for dinner. I want to have my room the same way it was when I left it. I want to have friends over and not be smooshed into 485 sq. ft.

But mostly... I want Rob to grow up

Im tired of paying 2/3rds of the bills. Im tired of worrying about my car falling apart when I couldve easily saved for another one...or better yet, used Rob's if it broke down (which he has $4000 sitting in the bank for) I want him to get a job to pay for his bills. I want him to be a man, not a boy.

I want my step-dad to be proud of me.

All in all I feel as though 3 years of my life have been wasted and that makes me want to scream. Why do I look to boys to validate me? Why do I constantly feel like I wont get better? Or that I dont deserve better? I have no reason to feel that way....no abusive parents, no terrible background, nothing like that.

Yet I still feel this need.

Rob will grow up, but not if I enable him. I want it to work, I love him more than I could ever explain and hopefully this will force it to.

So what I think is happening is that I will be moving in with Rachel.... so I will officially be 21 and stable and independant.

Lord help me.

P.S. Please add me on "tumblr"....its my new favorite thing.