Little Thoughts

ready for a calm down.

2008-08-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

SO my last blog was pretty hater.

I still feel the same way but I want to apologize for completely getting down on Rob. I love him. I will always love him. He makes me happy.

I just got so frustrated with my stagnancy (is that a word?)

So Rob started a new job, which he and I both love working in a coffee shop as well as working at Zackies. I love it. He is so excited about being financially stable and confortable so maybe now we can start saving for that wedding.

I still think Im moving out but I at least know it will be done on good terms not on bad. I think with any person you date you have to know how to get through to them instead of making it seem like your attacking them and that is exactly what I did and I couldnt be happier with the result.

In other news. I have 2 co-write this week, A meeting with Denny Carr next week, hopefully getting a few shows booked, an upcoming show with Billy Block and a buttload of MySpace stuff to catch up on. Ill do it....along with working over 40 hours this week...it will get done.

Lord....really help me. Haha.

ohh that makes me happy

obviously Im headed somewhere.....

2008-08-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

I look at this post and dread the pain my wrists will feel when Im done with it.

So I chatted with Rachel last night about this.. I feel as though I always chat with her first it helps me to validate that I am in fact not psycho, I am also not stupid and I can in fact make grown-up decisions.

Im moving out.

I know what your thinking. Are Rob and her breaking up? No, we are not breaking up, but I have realized that I have made too many decisions for the guys in my life which ended up hurting me in the long run.

I am moving out because, I want to be 21. I want to go home and be bored. I want my boyfriend to call and say that he wants to take me out for dinner. I want to have my room the same way it was when I left it. I want to have friends over and not be smooshed into 485 sq. ft.

But mostly... I want Rob to grow up

Im tired of paying 2/3rds of the bills. Im tired of worrying about my car falling apart when I couldve easily saved for another one...or better yet, used Rob's if it broke down (which he has $4000 sitting in the bank for) I want him to get a job to pay for his bills. I want him to be a man, not a boy.

I want my step-dad to be proud of me.

All in all I feel as though 3 years of my life have been wasted and that makes me want to scream. Why do I look to boys to validate me? Why do I constantly feel like I wont get better? Or that I dont deserve better? I have no reason to feel that way....no abusive parents, no terrible background, nothing like that.

Yet I still feel this need.

Rob will grow up, but not if I enable him. I want it to work, I love him more than I could ever explain and hopefully this will force it to.

So what I think is happening is that I will be moving in with Rachel.... so I will officially be 21 and stable and independant.

Lord help me.

P.S. Please add me on "tumblr"....its my new favorite thing.

blog two.....yeah in the months Ive had this..

2008-07-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

So Im writing my second blog. I suck at keeping up with this thing. In my defense though it could be because my computer was on the fritz, I didnt have a power cord due to my Pitbulls overactive jaw and I turned off my internet at the house.

What a time Ive had since I last updated. Youve missed many an interesting evening out with my Stanley (aka Rachel) and fights with my boyfriend, deathly illness, job hunts, new friends...so on and so on.

This picture pretty much sums it all up......

So I promise now that I have computer access to once again regain my blog mentality.

the first thoughts, among many

2008-04-07T10:37:00.000-07:00

I have started many a blog in the past. Not sure why I never continued. Probably for the same reasons I never kept that journal with the kittens on it that I started when I was 11. I think it also has something to do with the fact that I have a very hard time saying what it is I feel. Ive come to the realization that I, with a few small exceptions, cant tell you exactly how I feel.

As I sit here its sort of scrolling through the many things I could talk about. The presidential election (which scares the piss out of me, so much so that I'm considering Canada a great place to raise children), My ongoing job search (which has lasted the last 3 years if you really get down to it), How about my animals (pro-pit bull for life), my boyfriend (the love of my life, even when I want to scream at him), the lack of interesting and exceptionally good friends in this city, my future, my family, heck don't get me started on the state of the music industry, and a million other things that I juggle in this brain.

I guess for a first blog I will just introduce you and in all actuality me, to myself.

I am a girlie girl, as well as a huge tomboy
I love folk and alt-country music, but I really cant go a day with out some obnoxious tune from my youth, somewhere along the lines of The Spice Girls, or The New Radicals.
I am an in and out, totally commit ed, northern Michigan girl at heart
I am pale, and proud of it
I don't know anyone besides Rob who shares even half of my interests here in Nashville.
I miss my mom, very very very much
I have a love of all things weird...really
My Pit Bull is now my life
I have some of the greatest friends ever, unfortunately most of them live nowhere near me
I watch the food network religiously
I plan on getting more tattoos and piercings
My cat hates me..but I love him.
I am poor right now, but aren't we all
I have huge dreams, I really do want it all
There is nothing better than cheese and wine, although I do indulge in Ra men noodles too...he he
Japan is my favorite place on earth
My computer is my best friend
I think I should have grown up in the 60's
I have the thickest hair you have ever seen...don't believe me..you should
German town is my favorite place to live.
I carry a huge purse, normally filled with a planner and Real Simple magazine, and various nanny things
I love art, even though I am no artist
I could go on with this list forever.

Basically that's some of me, not all of me. I don't know if I will ever experience all of me. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm sure they will get somewhat more interesting in the future.

Muah, Ciao, and lovies,
Chelsee